Of course, we couldn’t have known at the time that our
children would both have ADHD, which makes it impossible for them to sit still,
and sensory processing disorders that make them both extremely picky eaters
(and not even picky in the same way).
For years, dinnertime has been an exercise in barely-controlled chaos and not
one we as parents have much enjoyed.
But we persevere and it’s a non-negotiable with our kids: we eat our
evening meal at the table. Therefore we accept that meals are loud, often fraught with drama, and
extremely short. The kids have a
hard time conversing appropriately, eating with decorum, or remaining one
millisecond longer than the moment they’re full.
Holidays are no exception and many a Thanksgiving dinner has
ended with rolled eyes and shrugs from Dan and me as we cleaned up, mildly
disappointed by the distinct lack of Norman Rockwell sensibility to the
event.
This year, we had invited extended family for Turkey Day but
it didn’t work out, so we decided to just lie low at home. I made a small bird and a few simple
fixings and set all on the table at noon, with formal china and crystal,
and set aside all expectations of placid sentimentality.
But from the start, something was different about this
year. The kids were both at the
table as soon as they were called, with no cajoling or threatening on my
part. They sat still while I took
some pictures. They were quiet and thoughtful while we prayed and filled
our plates. Who were these people
and what had they done with my children?
Then the real magic happened. I asked each person at the table to share five things they
were thankful for. Aside from family.
Because in addition, each of us had to say why we were grateful for each
other. Sure, there were plenty of
gratitudes about video games. But
there were also moments of transcendent beauty.
Eiledon said she was grateful for the bullies at her school,
because they were teaching her to stand up for herself. Gavin was grateful for his sister
because she was “full of joy and fun.”
Both kids were grateful for their father’s love of music and sharing
music with them. They got to hear
Dan and me say how grateful we were to have each other as our best friend, and how
grateful we were for all the gifts and joys our children bring to our lives.
Truly, it was a moving experience. Sure, toward the end, they started to get a little antsy,
but they ate everything on their plates (another miracle), and asked politely
to be excused. As they left, I
glanced at the clock and realized they had sat with us for nearly forty
minutes. I shared this with Dan, incredulous, and as we finished up
in each other’s company, we marveled at the gift that had just been given us.
Of course it didn’t last. Lunch today was quite back to normal. But we know it’s in there
somewhere. And what we were most
thankful for this Thanksgiving was the opportunity to experience something so
beautiful with our amazing, wonderful family around the dinner table.
